“The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bachelorette Party Talk

Me: Dude make sure you take off for the beach that weekend. its gonna be so dope!
Cara: OMG I jsut realized I have to watch my cousins kids that whole freakin weekend!
Me: ugh, stupid kids. that sucks man
Cara: Yeah no shit, I was going to make you a giant penis out of paper mache.
Me: I LOVE GIANT PENIS'!!!
Cara: I was actaully going to put jewels around it too.
Me: Like Bedazzle it?!
Cara: EXACTLY. A bedazzled, Giant, paper mache penis for your party.
Me: I am so turned on and weirdo out at the same time.
Me: I knew those fucking bedazzlers would come in handy one day.

By the beard of Zeus! This was the best game growing up. you know, when I was like 13 and I would steal it from my brother. shit rocks.

swoon.

This makes me think of my sister-in-law (to be). it also makes me hungry and now I am starting to wonder what the hell is on this sandwhich.

perfection

all-shookdown:

My ADD is bumming me out so hard lately. My to-do list never shrinks it just keeps gaining power and strength like Spencer Pratt. At the office I can’t start on a project until i have the perfect song to listen to, then i have to watch the music video for that perfect song, then i have to think about the lyrics, and then i have to figure out if i can teach myself to play that perfect song on the guitar when I get home, and then its been 20 minutes and i haven’t done anything.
I just looked at the clock and realized this has been going on for 3 hours and I had to literally put myself in a time out and go buy a coke and sit in the stairwell to call up the fine folks at Kaiser and beg them for about 94 Adderall pills. So now i’ve only been bullshitting for 3 hours and 20 minutes. Cool!

someone better fetch me my crystals, i’m dying.

6 months from today I will be marrying the most kick ass man and soaking up the sun with all my favorite people. word to your mother.

Reblogged:

That baby looks like an ass in a laundry pile.
NOTE TO SELF: NEVER HAVE A BABY IN CHINA.
chuckhistory:

One serious difference between babies in China and here is the fact that babies in China don’t wear diapers or underwear. They all wear these assless pants and go where they want to. 

my motto today