My world of Junk

2011-06-20T16:13:00.000-04:00

I just came across this picture saved in my emails. This is me and my mom on her wedding day. I was about 4 years old and yes, I was fucking adorable. Not only did I wear that dress for 4 straight days in a row to my Pre-K school but I managed to keep it clean and look super fly on my special day. I mean my MOMS special day. This is one of my favorite pictures because it really shows how much love there is between us.

side note- I cried for 2 straight hours before this picture was taken. that bitch with the curling iron (aka my grandma) was trying to kill me with all of the curls in my head. luckily, we remained friends and are on great terms. she is a kick ass woman. dont ever tell her i called her a bitch.

2011-06-20T16:06:00.001-04:00

2011-06-20T16:05:00.003-04:00

2011-06-20T16:05:00.001-04:00

146 days

2011-06-20T16:04:00.001-04:00

2011-06-20T15:52:00.001-04:00

Bizarre, I’ve had a nightmare where I’m on one of these toilets.

Emily aka Dubb, and I like to catch up with each others lives by listing the top 10 things going on. here is how todays conversation went. I will pretend like that ho didn't compare me to Stephanie Meyers. this is my top ten with her response in red and then my response to hers in purple.

2011-06-20T15:52:00.000-04:00

1. Just cut my hair up to my collarbone and died it a little darker

- Picture please. Thanks in advance for sending this via photo message through text immediately upon reading this dialog.

You read my mind. Sent them via email ho bag

2. Ordered wedding flowers and invitations

I really want to be at your wedding. Like big time. The good news is that my credit card will finally be at a zero balance in a few weeks. Yay.

Charge that card up!

3. Bork is working for us again but only part time.

Random, but so is Bork. Love him.

No comment

4. I am broke as a joke lol. all my money goes to wedding crap.

I bet! I feel guilty when I have to buy food. BUT I have been throwing all my money to my credit card. It was almost at 6K and now it's under 1K. AMAZEBALLS.

You should feel guilty when you buy food. It is WRONG!! You should be buying condoms and beer! WHO ARE YOU!??!

Btw- that is a lot to pay down. You go girl!

5. We are going to see U2 on Wednesday which is cool even though I don’t really listen to them lol

Jealous. That will be a good show.

Word. It’s with my parents. They are actually picking us up and dropping us off. So rad. I love parents!

6. I started a blog but I haven’t posted on it lately.

I probably wont read it even if you do. Your name isnt Stephanie Meyer.

http://loveequalslove.blogspot.com/ you know you are going to click the link. This shiz is legit. Ps- I wish I was Stephanie meyer but without being mormon. Cause if I were her id be making my lovers dress up like sparkly vamps before consummating.

Also – I will be blogging this whole conversation. No turning back now.

7. Tim and I have been playing tennis every Saturday for the past month. I am horrific. Its so embarrassing I should have a face mask on so no one knows its me.

I played tennis in college. Tennis is fun. You will get better. :)

Thanks for lying to me. I suck now and I will suck every week after.

8. I went to the katy perry concert with sheri last Wednesday. It was her bday present. I was amazed at the 13 year girls outfits and also appalled that I was ever a teenage girl. They are super annoying.

I am sure we were just as annoying as those girls were. I am annoying now...what am I talking about?

Stop being annoying. Be quiet

9. I haven’t even been to the pool yet this year because all we do is run around the state of MD to see family. I am SO over it. they can come see me from now on.

If I went to the pool everyday as my job...I would still look like I was allergic to the sun and have to stay inside.

Hahahah, they may 65+ lotion. We could rub it all over you and conduct a science experiment. Chances are you will burn and hate me.

10. I just farted

Dirty.

sanchez

“The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

2011-05-20T11:54:00.000-04:00

Bachelorette Party Talk

2011-05-20T11:48:00.000-04:00

Me: Dude make sure you take off for the beach that weekend. its gonna be so dope!
Cara: OMG I jsut realized I have to watch my cousins kids that whole freakin weekend!
Me: ugh, stupid kids. that sucks man
Cara: Yeah no shit, I was going to make you a giant penis out of paper mache.
Me: I LOVE GIANT PENIS'!!!
Cara: I was actaully going to put jewels around it too.
Me: Like Bedazzle it?!
Cara: EXACTLY. A bedazzled, Giant, paper mache penis for your party.
Me: I am so turned on and weirdo out at the same time.
Me: I knew those fucking bedazzlers would come in handy one day.

By the beard of Zeus! This was the best game growing up. you know, when I was like 13 and I would steal it from my brother. shit rocks.

2011-05-20T11:42:00.000-04:00

2011-05-19T18:06:00.001-04:00

swoon.

2011-05-19T18:05:00.001-04:00

This makes me think of my sister-in-law (to be). it also makes me hungry and now I am starting to wonder what the hell is on this sandwhich.

2011-05-19T18:04:00.001-04:00

perfection

2011-05-19T18:03:00.001-04:00

2011-05-19T18:02:00.000-04:00

all-shookdown:

My ADD is bumming me out so hard lately. My to-do list never shrinks it just keeps gaining power and strength like Spencer Pratt. At the office I can’t start on a project until i have the perfect song to listen to, then i have to watch the music video for that perfect song, then i have to think about the lyrics, and then i have to figure out if i can teach myself to play that perfect song on the guitar when I get home, and then its been 20 minutes and i haven’t done anything.
I just looked at the clock and realized this has been going on for 3 hours and I had to literally put myself in a time out and go buy a coke and sit in the stairwell to call up the fine folks at Kaiser and beg them for about 94 Adderall pills. So now i’ve only been bullshitting for 3 hours and 20 minutes. Cool!

someone better fetch me my crystals, i’m dying.

6 months from today I will be marrying the most kick ass man and soaking up the sun with all my favorite people. word to your mother.

2011-05-13T12:49:00.000-04:00

Reblogged:

2011-05-11T15:57:00.000-04:00

That baby looks like an ass in a laundry pile.
NOTE TO SELF: NEVER HAVE A BABY IN CHINA.
chuckhistory:

One serious difference between babies in China and here is the fact that babies in China don’t wear diapers or underwear. They all wear these assless pants and go where they want to.

my motto today

2011-05-11T15:46:00.001-04:00

2011-05-11T15:46:00.000-04:00

nom nom nom nom. I like to eat BEFORE dinner cause I am a piggy

2011-04-29T15:39:00.000-04:00

The Office

2011-04-29T15:33:00.000-04:00

These are the people I worked with. some are gone and some are still here. I am waaay prettier in the picture than actual life. please also take notice of the midget with the tiny penis. He is real. I SHIT. YOU. NOT.

Yes, this is my future husband

2011-04-29T15:31:00.001-04:00

He was being bad. So I started torturing him. He liiiiiiiiiiiiiiked it.

2011-04-29T15:26:00.000-04:00

My Destination wedding will be way more kick ass then this shit. It will involve, more skin, too much booze, tanned skin, the beach, naked people ( I didn't say me), and little Mexican midgets...ahem, "little people".

I kid, I kid. You all know I am fucking terrified of midgets.

what the fuck is on her head?! that is the dumbest shit I have EVER seen!

2011-04-29T12:45:00.000-04:00

They see me rollin' they hatin'

2011-04-28T17:37:00.000-04:00

2011-04-28T17:27:00.000-04:00

lazy ass fucker. You are thinking "aww how cute" and I am thinking "you better not have peed in my gym bag".

2011-04-28T17:23:00.000-04:00

Whenever I get sleepy at work I pull up this picture and then I’m awake for days

I do

2011-03-24T10:28:00.000-04:00

234 days until you are stuck with me :)

Straylight Run - "Existentialism on Prom Night" Victory Records

2011-03-21T15:32:00.000-04:00

Turn off your minds, shutdown everything but your emotions and just FEEL. This song will inspire you today.

I want all of you, forever, you and me....every day.

2011-03-21T12:47:00.000-04:00

I love that you wake up in the morning and have the energy of a three year old dancing and signing next to the bed in your boxers. I love that you count how many cigarettes you smoke in a day and then tell me because you secretly know that I will be proud of you. I love that you are smoke free for over 5 months now! I love that you smell my skin every night until you just can’t take it anymore. I love that after you leave to go to the gym in the morning I can still smell you on th bed sheets. I love that we play truth or dare and Simon says on a weekly basis before bed. I love that we always kiss each other good night and never go to bed upset. I love that you can’t sing the whole Two and a Half men song because you laugh half way through. I love that we have “date night”. I love knowing you are going to be the most amazing and loved father in this world. I love that you take me seriously and don’t look at me like a trophy you can tote around. I love that I am so prod to be yours and to be seen with you. I love that you hate black olives as much as I do! I love you for your guts, your dedication to life and your underlying sweetness that I am so privileged to witness. I love that people appreciate you because they know how outstanding of a man you are. I love every time you call me your beauty. I love when you cut me off midsentence to tell me you love me because you just can’t hold it in. I love that you are my best friend that I have ever had and I can count on you for everything and anything. I love that you make me cry, laugh, smile, get mad, give me hope and make me FEEL. I love that you never EVER give up on me, on us. I love that we make up silly dances to do in the car when we are bored just to make each other laugh. I love to see you laying with Daisy while you are both falling asleep. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I am settling or because I am getting older. I just love everything about you. because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. I can’t wait to be your wife and continue our dreams together.

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted."- R.P.

2011-03-18T15:24:00.000-04:00

Let's seriously think about this shit for a minute because it makes TOTAL fucking sense. Side note- A big thank you to Randy Pausch for his cool and always deep quotes. (may he RIP). Just saying. The man was right on with everything that popped out of his mouth. Rad dude for sure.

Experience- well by now most of us have some experience in something. There are the people out there that have experience in their careers, being a parent (can't wait to add that notch on my belt), experience being morons (we all know a few of these dumb bastards) and if you are lucky maybe you have experience in L-O-V-E. After countless romatntic relationships and a failed marriage I am just now learning about love and getting my experince on with it. My experience comes in the form of relationships. Not just LOVE relationships. No, this does not mean I know more than you or more experienced. It' just something I fucking know. What I have learned about relationships is that they usual just fucking suck unless you are a super nice, carring person (which I am....sometimes). Like I said, I am not jsut talking about a romantic relationship. My romantic relationship is spectacular and yes it is probably better than yours. Sorry that you had to find otu this way. I am talking about friendships, coworkers, family, and those dumb bastards that I call morons. We all have experience being a friend or in a realationship with someone.

I have actually learned to be a better person to myself because of the experience in my realtionships. I am glad for all the people/morons at work that piss me off every day even though they make want to bang my head against my desk and drink a whole bottle of wine when I get home.( I am serious about the wine part). I am even glad that I have a few friends that have weird marriages and they call me to vent. I even have a few friends that think I am a cash cow and can lend them money. HELLO, all of my money goes to shit I dont need just like you! Clearly, I have none to share but if I did, I would. This leads me to my family. If I coule be in a facebook relationship with my family I would list it as" its fucking complicated but their MINE". I have two kick ass parents that are there for me every day. My mom lives to be a mother in every form of the word. I swear she was put here to do it. I want to be just like her. My dad is one of the smartest people I know on top of being the best public speaker known to date. Seriously, step aside Bill Clinton and Tony Robbins! Dad, I know computers are your thing but if I could carry you around in my ear all day long I would be the best sales chick/speaker ever. People would think that I am actually super intelligent. Side note- we should make this happen and I can pay you in TIME magazine subscriptions (I know you are smiling).
My biological father calls me up and sings to me on the phone on a weekly basis. I know you are all wishing that your dad was in a band and as cool as mine. Sorry for your luck beause he is cool as shit. oooh andd let me not forget about my brothers. I had a lot of "experience" getting punched by my older brother when I was growing up. I should have worn a fucking sign on my forehead " I AM 5 YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU ASSHOLE. STOP PUNCHING ME OR I AM GOING TO TELL MOM A BUNCH OF LIES JUST TO GET YOUR ASS IN TROUBLE". Ha, I actually did make up lies to get him grounded. I was an evil little bitch. He also gave me the experience in "how to be an aunt" he has two of the funniest fucking kids in the world. Then there is my younger brother. He was/is one of my best friends. We pretty much have a language that only the two of us can speak. He is original, cool, too smart for his own damn good and very selfish. Thats right, I said it. I am positive this is why we get along so well. I have the most experience in relationships because of them. I am the one that they all come to when they need to vent or find out things about one another and iIwouldnt have it any other way. If I was charging them I would be fucking filthy rich. They gave and still give me enough experience to be who I am today even if it isn't what I want.

Long story short-

"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need... oh yeah"- The Stones. (they fucking know their shit)

"When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody's bothering to tell you anymore, that's a very bad place to be. Your critics are the ones telling you they still love you and care"

2011-03-17T09:57:00.000-04:00

Everyone fucks up in life. It's just a fact. No one goes through life feeling 100% happy or 100% sad. People will piss you off, love you and even sometimes hate your guts. You don't get to choose who your family is or who your parents are but you do get to choose your own path. This is a luxury that most of us have but are we choosing correctly? My answer...hopefully not all of the time. You need to make mistakes, fall in love with the wrong person, make a decision that you willingly know is a bad idea. Then, after all of the mistakes, you still need to love yourself and choose differently in the future.It's kind of like those books we used to read when we were kids where it would let you choose your own path through the book and if you chose right the book ended good and then if not the booked sucked.
My life has been like that book for years. When I was swirling down into a black hole my parents always told me . Sometimes they were super harsh and others times they would act as if they couldn't see me being lost in my own mind. Then again if you don't tell someone how you feel than you can't expect them to read your mind and especially not your own meltdown.
I have recently seen someone very close to me being succumbed to the "black hole" or "black cloud" as my mom likes to call it. Let me tell you it ain't pretty. It's reckless, selfish, incomprehensible and helpless. It hurts everyone else around them and pulls them in. It makes me realize that I was just like this person a few years ago....scary shit.
So, this is me telling YOU that you are doing something badly and that I KNOW you are aware of it. I am not going to sit back and keep letting you lose yourself, your light. I am your biggest fan and I this is my way of saying, "I still love you and I really care"....

So, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND PUT BACK THE PIECES. Stop pointing your finger at others and remember that this is YOUR path that you are choosing. In the end, you know that no one else is here for you like we are.

I'm not here

2011-03-16T16:21:00.000-04:00

...to tell anyone who or what to believe. I can't cure cancer and I didn't even graduate from college. My occupation isn't a preacher or even a great story teller. Instead I just choose to share my stories, wants, desires, needs or whatever it is that you want to call them. I don't claim to be some magnificant writer. In fact, if you read my blog there will be a ton of incorrect grammar and rants that only make sense to me and a few people....maybe like this one. I just hope to give back to others because I have been given so much. It just seems unfair not to pay it forward.

I'm here to inspire.